Road Trip.....; (

The last couple weeks have been incredibly busy.  I helped with and attended a Women's Mini Retreat.  It was an amazing time of spending time with the women who I cherish.  We had a sleepover on Friday night with games and crazy times.  Saturday was a time of refreshment, fellowship and our lesson was on sharing the nuggets in life that have made us the incredible women we are. 
Here is an entry from a journal I wrote in 2007, then submitted it to Guidepost in 2010.

As this mother thinks of her son growing up, going through all the stages that he's gone through, she lets him know that she will always be there to support him.

Trying to sleep was impossible tonight as the anticipation welled up inside me.  The following morning my son and I would be driving to Logan, Utah to visit Utah State University for the weekend.  My son had accepted a full scholarship to play football with the Utah State University Aggies for the next four years.  My son and I had experienced a strained relationship through his last years in high school.  I knew it was his time in life to test his independence and to struggle through the process of becoming independent.  As with all youth, he was becoming an independent adult and preparing himself for leaving home in the fall.  He was really close to his father and his twin brother and would need to separate himself emotionally to prepare for the physical separation.  I knew our family would need to adjust to the transition that we would go through and I was reluctant to let go of the ultimate care and nurturing.  Through the teen years, I felt he could care less about me and I am sure he felt I was distant and could care less about him.  He would blame me for being too hard on him, not loving him.  Was this part of the process of letting go?  It better be, because this was the most emotionally stressful situation I have ever experienced. 

To know that in the fall James would be living 600 miles from me and from my nurturing and care.  Not only would he be leaving home for college, but his twin brother would also be leaving home to attend San Diego State University.  This was another 550 miles in a completely different direction.  REALLY?  Who would take care of them?  Who would feed them?  Oh, yes, they are both on the food plans, have dorms on campus and God will care for them.  They both still need me.  They did not know that I really need them.  Not only would I miss them filling our home, but I would miss caring for them and knowing how they really are.  I am not a telephone person and would need to keep in touch.  But how?  A lot of prayer and trusting God would be needed through this time of transition. 

The moment finally came and we were awake at 5am and on the road by 6am.  I was driving first and we had a plan to alternate driving throughout the day.  We drove over the Sierra Nevada Mountains in California and now my anticipation calmed to an excitement.   To have my son in a care for hours, just us, to talk, to laugh, to experience the drive, one of many we will take to visit him and watch games over the next four years.  We talked about the drive and how long it would take and I had some college brochures and graduation plans we were going to discuss for his high school graduation day.  I would pull them out on a boring stretch of highway somewhere in Nevada.  As we drove, I prayed and a peace came over me.  I felt so much love and pride for the accomplishments in his life.   He was everything a mom would want in a son and the love I felt for him, was even stronger now that the love I felt when I met him and married his father 15 years earlier, and through the years of nurturing and caring for him.

I was looking forward to our first stop in Winnemuca, after over three hours on the road, a chance to stretch and gas up.  I started to get sick, really sick.  I felt pain in my lower abdomen and it was working its way throughout my back and body.  As we stopped I could barely walk, the pain was so intense and I felt nauseas.  My son did not know what to do, or how to care for me, he had not seen me this sick before.  He took over driving and between me having to stop the car every few minutes, I saw true concern and worry in his face and his mannerism.  He probably thought we would never get there, a once ten hour trip was becoming a fifteen hour trip.  At one stop I went into the gas station and purchased some over-the-counter medicines.  I was diagnosing myself with the flu.  None of the medications helped.  I could find no relief for the pain.  I meditated on God and prayed for mercy and healing.  We were slowly making our way to Logan.  We were not talking about anything, except how I was feeling and what I thought I needed.  The pain took over my entire body.  This is not the way this trip was planned, there was not a word spoken about graduation, college planning, or plans for the fall.  As we got closer to Logan I could not wait to check into the hotel and get comfortable and hopefully sleep.  As we arrived at the hotel and my son checked me in and set me up in my hotel room, he went to catch up with a friend, he knew from high school, who now attended Utah State.  I could tell he was truly concerned about me and leaving me alone.  I took some over-the-counter pain relief medicine and felt like I was dying.  I could not sleep and could not sit-up or get comfortable.  The pain seemed to be spreading throughout my body.  I was weak and extremely tired.  The next 29 hours were spent in the hotel room, resting and praying for relief.  My son showed how truly mature and compassionate, caring and loving he truly was.  He would be fine on his own.  He looked after me, cared for me and was willing to do anything for me.  Barely 18 years old and so independent.  At the time the pain was so intense that I could not see the reasoning behind this trial I was facing.  I wanted to get home and to process all of the symptoms thoroughly to see what this ailment really was.  It felt like a really bad case of the flu.  As most mothers, I am the caregiver, the nurturer, the responder for my family.  I normally do not receive care from others and this was an experience that was unnatural. 

We finally headed for home on Sunday, after what felt like the longest weekend of my life.  The pain had not gotten better, though my body was getting numb to the pain.  I was not eating or functioning very well at all.  My son again drove all the way home and continued to care for me the best he knew how.  When we arrived home I went straight to bed, with the worst pain ever.  I had experienced the pain of childbirth twice with no pain medication and have a very high tolerance of pain.  This pain was worse than any other I have ever felt and the pain lasted and I could find no relief. 

I had another sleepless night and on Monday morning after getting my five kids off to school, drove myself to the emergency room and checked myself in.  The doctors discovered that my appendix had ruptured and the infection was spreading throughout my body.  The doctors were surprised I was even able to function at all.  They did not know exactly when it had ruptured, however, there was no medical explanation for me being alive today.  I was taken into surgery immediately, oh and called my husband on the gurney and told him the news.  The appendix removed, drains put in to remove the infection.  The doctors were optimistic about being able to treat me and remove all of the infection, however, I would not recover quickly.  There would be many treatments, antibiotics, and care from the hospital staff.  After five days in the hospital, my body responded to the treatment and antibiotics perfectly.  I was able to home and recuperate.  During my hospital stay my son would come to visit and I again saw that same concern, care and maturity I had experienced the last weekend with him.  He shared his life with me, his love and through the last few months at home and the upcoming events we would experience with him going off to college in the fall, I knew we would be fine.  The nurturing and care I had been showing him for years now turned around to him nurturing and caring for me.  I needed this sign of his abilities to care for himself and others in order to feel peace about the process that would take place in the fall.  This experience was one that I would have not chosen to experience, however, through the trial and the pain, I was shown the love of God in my son and his care for me.  A true reminder that God would indeed take care of my son, my family and myself through all the transitions in life.  I just need to place my trust in Him, wholly.

Worship through Music

Sometimes a song just reaches out and grabs your soul....  I have a few that bring me to tears each time I hear them. 

Kutless

Everybody falls sometimes

Gotta find the strength to rise

From the ashes

And make a new beginning

Anyone can feel the ache
You think it's more than you can take
But you're stronger
Stronger than you know

Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason
For someone not to try

Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright

Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that you can
That's what faith can do
That's what faith can do

Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

 

Redeemed

Big Daddy Weave

from the album Love Come To Life

                                       

Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me
“Son, stop fighting a fight that's already been won”

(Chorus)
I am redeemed
You set me free
So I'll shake off theses heavy chains
And wipe away every stain
Now I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed
I am redeemed

All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
But when I hear You whisper, “Child lift up your head”
I remember oh God, You're not done with me yet

Chorus

I don't have to be
The old man inside of me
'Cause his day is long dead and gone
Because I've got a new name
A new life I'm not the same
And a hope that will carry me home

Chorus (X2)

• 

  Greater

  MercyMe

  from the album Welcome To The New

                                               

  Bring your tired
  Bring your shame
  Bring your guilt
  Bring your pain
  Don't you know that's not your name
  You will always be much more to me
  
  Everyday I wrestle with the voices
  That keep telling me I'm not right
  But that's alright
  
  ‘Cause I hear a voice and He calls me redeemed
  When others say I'll never be enough
  And greater is the One living inside of me
  Than he who is living in the world
  In the world
  In the world
  And greater is the One living inside of me
  Than he who is living in the world
  
  Bring your doubts
  Bring your fears
  Bring your hurt
  Bring your tears
  There'll be no condemnation here
  You are holy, righteous and redeemed
  
  Every time I fall
  There'll be those who will call me
  A mistake
  Well, that's ok
  
  There'll be days I lose the battle
  Grace says that it doesn't matter
  ‘Cause the cross already won the war
  He's greater
  He's greater
  I am learning to run freely
  Understanding just how He sees me
  And it makes me love Him more and more
  He's greater
  He's greater
  
  

In the World...Not of the World

1 John 2:15 (NAS) Do not love the world nor the things in the world.  If anyone loves the world, the Father is not in Him.  

God made the entire world and all in it, and set up in the world to walk, work and fellowship.  So is He referring to the sinful, worldly actions.  Those aside from His desires and will for our lives?  I think so....

When I was a child I became involved in a church that took an approach to Christian faith that was similar to Israel's separation laws in Leviticus 11.  We had lists of things that a Christian did and did not do;  things that set us apart from others.  The members carried covered Bibles to church and read them throughout the week.  The teens were for the most part discipled to not go to certain movies, smoke, dance, drink alcohol or utter cuss words.  I went to church on Sunday two times and on Wednesday nights.  Despite what some may think, it wasn't a burden for me to live by those rules.  I followed them joyfully, for in that same church I found warmth, acceptance, nurture, enthusiasm, commitment, fervent prayer and an honest caring for one another as well as for the eternal destiny of our family, friends and neighbors.  It was only later that I came to realize the truth.  Our very real "separation" wasn't defined by the do's and don'ts at all.  What really made us different and set apart as a true community of God's people on earth was the warmth and joy, the peace, the caring, and the commitment that I experienced in that first church I joined, so long ago.  

This is why I so wanted to raise my children with the community of believers and why I desire to fellowship with and share life with those who truly care and love, with His love.  No church is perfect, because the church is made up of US, us sinful, prideful, people trying to share and live His love in this world.

Wherever I worship with other believers I feel that same sense of community.  More so than anywhere else in this world.  

Love Outloud

Lately, I have been witnessing a lot of "loving outloud".  The term originated for me with Love Does by Bob Goff.  If you have not read his book, it is a must.  A compilation of short stories from his life in which he witness or experiences himself love in action.  Love should be an action, not just a feeling, or a fleeting moment in our life.  I am a "doer", so the idea of love in action is so powerful to me.
Here are some examples from the month of February, 2015.

My oldest daughter is full-time caregiver for her husband who is battling leukemia.  He has walking pneumonia presently and has recently been released from the bone marrow program at UCSF and has been in and out of the hospital over the last 8 months.  My daughter is my hero at this moment.  She has unwavering love for her husband and has been given extra compassion, love, and patience to handle whatever his care plan requires.  Amazing love in action.  I pray for her strength and peace for her everyday.

My youngest son had surgery yesterday on his shoulder (reconstruction of the shoulder) and a friend is taking care of him.  She is a God send and is doing an incredible job with him.  He is fighting the pain and discomfort and she is an angel sent from above.  Even with his crankies, she has such a great attitude.  I continue to pray for both of them.

I have friends who are taking care of their disabled children and aging parents and caring for their daily needs.  I see the joy in their eyes when they share their experiences of loving their children/parents this way.  They truly are receiving God's blessing each day.

I have friends in the hospital and many are visiting them and bringing a bit of joy each time they see them.

I have friends that have lost family members recently and the community of people by their side is amazing.

I know many single parents who are persevering with one or more children.  Being mom and dad to them.

I know grandparents raising their grandchildren and giving them amazing lives, in the midst of no parents around.

I know some who are being blessed in the midst of financial ruin.  They are receiving blessings unheard of and provisions to many to count, while looking for work.

God gives each of us a smile, love and compassion and we are to share that with others in our life everyday.   Just a few examples of Love Outloud this month.

Joy in the Midst of Trials

 James 1:2-4

² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Yesterday I experienced a day filled with joy.   I was praising God all day for His love, His care, and I was able to give Him all my worries and cares. (and I did not try to take anything back to care for myself). 

My prayer list is quite long and I tend to take on the needs and worry instead of trusting God with the needs. 
I received many comments on the lack of Christmas news this year.  I sent out a simple cards with a picture of my husband and I.  So on with the news:

Our oldest daughter was married in November.  Her and her husband live two miles away in Penn Valley in a beautiful ranch home with a couple acres.  Her husband's leukemia came back after being in remission for a few years.  His sister donated her bone morrow in December and the transplant did not take.  He is currently in the hospital with staff infection and pneumonia.  My daughter works at a hair salon in Grass Valley and takes care of her husband and his needs.  Praying for them always!

Our oldest twin was married in September and has recently changes jobs.  He is now working for Sun Run Solar, selling solar systems to homeowners.  Our daughter-in-law is a nurse in Ventura, they live in a beautiful place in Ventura.  Her grandmother was recently diagnosed with cancer. Praying for them always!

Our youngest twin moved back from Oahu and lives with his twin in Ventura and works for Sun Run Solar also.  Praying for him always!

Our youngest son is in the army and stationed in Ft. Drum, NY.  He is having shoulder surgery on Wednesday.  He is in the middle of the extreme winter weather on the East Coast.  He is due to separate from the army in July.  Praying for him always!

Our youngest daughter is working her way through her third year of college in CSU Monterey Bay.  She works and pays her way through college.  She is dating a young man who graduated last May and works full time as a personal trainer.  Praying for them always!

Today I have many prayers to lay before the only One who can care for them all.  I have a friend in the hospital, my sister-in-law is having a knee replacement on Wednesday, my parents are snow birding in Mexico(praying for safety), many church members with health issues, my daughter and son-in-law, and all of my children in their daily affairs.

Traditions

Follow-up:  The Baby Shower went great!  It was greatly attended and the father and mother to be were showered with many blessings from the guests.

Onto traditions:  Today is a rainy, Sunday and we are chillin' at Rocky Ridges (that is the name of the homestead)

We have some incredible traditions in our family.  Most of them were incorporated early on in our marriage and years later still stick with us.  With all of the children out of the home, my husband and I still keep most of the traditions alive (for my sake).  Each family member has their favorite family tradition.   
Starting with the New Year's day we have Rose Bowl Parade, large breakfast, and football.  We take the tree and decorations down and clean the house up....The holidays are over and way to start a new year!  Winter months are filled with snow fun, trips to Tahoe, sledding, skiing, and the twins birthday. 
Valentine's Day was full of coupon books and showering love to each other. 
March was a month we went to Bodega Bay camping, crabbing, and kiting.  Such fun memories of the bay. 
Easter is a very special day for me, as it is the reason I serve God, with His death and resurrection. From Good Friday, Sunrise Service on Easter and a large breakfast, followed by an egg hunt or scavenger hunt and family fun-my favorite holiday and family traditions of the year. 
Spring and summer we enjoy river, camping, and outdoor fun along with five birthdays from the rest of the family.  Can you believe five of us have birthdays from June through August?  When the children were out of school for the summer, I would take them on road trips to visit family in Las Vegas or Phoenix.  What incredible summers we would have.  We went to the beach, river, swimming, camping, and hiking. 
Then school would start and fall activities started.  Fall Festivals, pumpkin patches, and carving our pumpkins.  Fall also brought more hikes, last river walks, and  school fun.
Bring on Christmas!  We tree hunt around the middle of the month.  Cutting a fresh tree *my husband and I stick with Silver Tip now*  We decorate and enjoy the corny Christmas music of the season, Christmas Cookies, look for Santa, Christmas light touring, attending a Candlelight Service on Christmas Eve and family on Christmas Day. 
As the children grew they got more involved with sports, friends, and school.  The traditions still hung around, even when the kiddos didn't.   

I am really excited to see what traditions our children and/or their spouses incorporate into their families

Baby Shower

I cannot remember the last time I attended a baby shower and I have not had the privilege to plan a baby shower, until tonight!  I have learned that baby showers have changed since my baby showers.  

My first baby had two showers,one was given by my mom and was an afternoon gathering of women on my parents deck and one was given after he was born by a long time friend from our church, at her home (she was the one who sang in our wedding and gave us the helicopter ride on our honeymoon).  We had light snacks, cake, a game, and the showering of my firstborn of needed items for his first years.  At the time I was living in their home, I had to wait until my child was born to be able to move into a house on base.  I had sold an alto saxaphone for a Jenny Lind baby set.  The set was beautiful and came with a bassinette, crib, high chair, and changing table.  All of this was set up in a bedroom in my parents home.  I moved from Knob Noster, MO to their home in May, 1991.  I did not want to know the sex of my baby and so when my water broke on August 12, 1991 I knew I would know soon enough.  So my mom and I drove to the hospital at Beale AFB and waited and walked and waited.  That was a very long night.  Then at 7 am the doctor said he needed to induce, it had been over 12 hours and no sign of labor.  They started prepping for the pitocin and no sooner than they got me hooked up to the IV and my beautiful, perfect son was born.  It all happened so fast, the doctor wasn't even in the room.  Then the baby was not breathing properly and the nurse and my mom wisked him down the hall.  August 13, 1991, with no pain meds and very little pitocin my firstborn is very healthy.

My second baby shower was given after her birth by a friend at church at her home.  The baby shower was light snacks, visiting and so much fun.  We did not want to know the sex of the baby and so, as with the first, my water broke one very early morning (1 am) and we took our time going to the hospital, especially if I had to wait 12 hours again.  So I showered, cleaned the house, and ate.  My mom came down to watch the kids about 5:30am.  We headed to the hospital and waited...and walked and waited.  We met other mom's waiting.  One would become a play date buddy for my daughter in her early years.  The doctor started the pitocin and a little longer and harder labor a beautiful, perfect baby was born.  She was past her due date by 3 weeks and a very healthy baby.  

Baby showers are now so diverse:  full meals or snacks, fancy cake/cupcakes, games/no games, co-ed, "reveal" events, and extravagant decorations*thanks to Pinterest*.

The shower tonight is a co-ed (this will be my husbands first shower ever to attend), a full barbeque dinner, a game, and beautiful cupcakes.  

Tonight's baby shower will be a showering of blessing upon a family, who within the next month will have a beautiful firstborn boy added to their family.  

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Books I am reading today:  America's Greatest Disasters by Martin W. Sandler, Culture's Collide by Ann Rosi, Amazing Native American History by Liz Sonneborn,, Saltypie by Tim Tingle.  

Movies/TV shows:  Lark is Rising to Candleford.